Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Thoughts, Confusion, Questions

I have been thinking over the last few weeks about what happens should I meet someone I wish to have a relationship with, I'm not quite sure how I feel about this. It feels like its a sudden threat to take away all my independance and freedom. I have taken to the single life with gusto, I have thrown myself in to living for the moment, having a good time, not worrying to much about what everyone else thinks, and also, probably being a slightly bit selfish.
I kept going on dates with C's friend. To me it was just a bit of fun, someone to hang out with and have a giggle with. To him, it became a bit more. I was up front the whole time, kept saying that I didnt want to be in a relationship, but turns out he just didnt listen. So we had to have the awkward conversation, I had to tell him I just wasnt up for it, and he said he would have wanted me to be his girlfriend. I just can't do it at the moment. Even if I wanted to.
I went on a date with the internet boy. That was not good, he was after one thing, and one thing only. Well, I told him, I am just not that type of girl, to which he said I know, and proceeded to never make contact ever again!!!!
We had the epic girls holiday to Ibiza. Gotta say, it has to be done, I can't wait for next year. iI spent the entirety of it drunk as a skunk, dancing on the bar, and flirting outragously, so much so I now have a date lined up with Ibiza boy we shall call him!!
But as I said, what happens if you meet someone and really like them??
I have been looking at photos of myself since the break up - I dont recognise the person I was before. I look happy now, pretty now, its like I've been liberated. And yet, I miss the Ex something chronic. We're on pretty good terms now. Been for drinks, coffee, met up at festivals, going to a festival next weekend, and also had a massivley drunken night out. It's almost like we're dating - BUT obviosly we are not. I'm not quite sure what I am hoping to get out of this but I know that when we hang out I always have a laugh. It is probably confusing me a bit, and sometimes, after a lot of drink, it feels like there is so much still to be said. But as I have said to him, if he wants to talk about it, he can, I am not starting that conversation. No way! Its all on him.
I think the most important thing i have learnt is that no matter what, your girls will always be there for you. And thats what matters to me at the moment.

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