Ok, so I mentioned the shocked reaction of me getting back in the saddle, and putting myself back in the game. Gotta say, bloody loving it!!!
So I have had offers from the most unthought of places, the ex's mates stepping forward to help me out for fun and entertainment, I hasten to add both were turned down, got myself on to a dating website, never something I really thought I wanted to do, but what the hell, its all about the self essteem, and have actually got a couple of dates lined up - don't worry I'll be reporting back on those! Guys I knew at uni offering a shoulder to cry on, and ex- colleagues offering up words of support mixed in with horrendous blatant sexual innuendo.
However, I have been on a few dates with a friend's friend. C, who I work with, took it upon herself to give a few helpful nudges to having a ganders at each others profiles (ahh Facebook, how we love you!!) and then there was a whole heap of messaging, and then one terrible drunk phone call ( or three!!) from myself which led to the setting up of the FIRST DATE. Bloody hell, it literally has been years since I put myself in to the first date situation, so much to think about, what do I wear? what if there's nothing to talk about? What if I totally embarass myself?
Well, I really needn't have worried, because within two minutes of meeting, I did exactly that. Embarrassed myself. Now, I am pretty used to this. I noramlly say something dumb or fall over or something like that. This time, I reached a whole new level. Kiss on the cheek to greet?? Nope, not me!! Hows a bout a nice firm handshake!! Oh it makes me cringe just thinking about it!! The worst thing was I didnt realise jju7st how cringey it was until the next day when I was telling my friend!!
Luckily, it can't have been so bad, as I have since been on quite a few dates with the Leprecorn! And will probably keep making a fool of myself, but at least I can laugh at myself!!
Monday, July 5, 2010
Rules, Regualtions and Loving Myself!
So its a month and a half since the boy became the ex. Some days are really good, and I feel on top of the world and like I could do anything. Some days are pretty rubbish, but I have found that I have no tears left to cry. Even if I want to, i can't. Which is both frustrating and good at the same time. In these past few weeks, I have found that there are suddenly a million new rules about how you can and can not behave towards the ex:
No, you can not talk to them.
No, you must not show them how you really feel.
No, you can not tell them everything going round in your head, like I knew you'd end up doing this.
Don't cry, be strong.
WHAT??? You're going on a date....don't you think its a bit soon???
Well, no actually, I don't think its too bloody soon. So wait, let me get this straight?? Its wrong to moop about in my pjs, only getting out of bed for a ben and jerry's run, and generally looking like Bigfoot?? And, wait, its wrong to go out and meet new people, get your confidence up, start to feel attractive again?? Hasn't the Ex and That Relationship already taken up far too much of my important time??
To be honest, things with the Ex, well we're on speaking terms now. I do believe, no matter how foolish it might be, that we will be good friends in good time IF he makes the effort. I am still unsure about how we get past the whole cheating bit, but I'm working on it. Sometimes, it feels like we were never really together, mainly because I don't reeally recognise who I was then. Who i am now, well she's just so much more fun, and I can actually say that Yes I love who I am now. And that is worth 1 million quid in itself. Yes, its been shit, and it'll still be shit occassionaly with sleepless nights, and made up conversation and scenarios filling my head, but I do think he did me a massive favour, and one day, I will have to say ta very much!!!
No, you can not talk to them.
No, you must not show them how you really feel.
No, you can not tell them everything going round in your head, like I knew you'd end up doing this.
Don't cry, be strong.
WHAT??? You're going on a date....don't you think its a bit soon???
Well, no actually, I don't think its too bloody soon. So wait, let me get this straight?? Its wrong to moop about in my pjs, only getting out of bed for a ben and jerry's run, and generally looking like Bigfoot?? And, wait, its wrong to go out and meet new people, get your confidence up, start to feel attractive again?? Hasn't the Ex and That Relationship already taken up far too much of my important time??
To be honest, things with the Ex, well we're on speaking terms now. I do believe, no matter how foolish it might be, that we will be good friends in good time IF he makes the effort. I am still unsure about how we get past the whole cheating bit, but I'm working on it. Sometimes, it feels like we were never really together, mainly because I don't reeally recognise who I was then. Who i am now, well she's just so much more fun, and I can actually say that Yes I love who I am now. And that is worth 1 million quid in itself. Yes, its been shit, and it'll still be shit occassionaly with sleepless nights, and made up conversation and scenarios filling my head, but I do think he did me a massive favour, and one day, I will have to say ta very much!!!
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